不知道这一年的xmas会比较特别嘛..
真的很想跟她一起过，但..
aiyah… 我第18的生日已经这样过了，我还以为第18个christmas会比较特别..
可是看来，没什特别会发生..
我在这个christmas，最想要一起过的是她，虽然有很多朋友可以跟我过，但他们有自己的情人来一起过了啊。 不需要我做电灯泡 哈哈
老实说christmas是我最喜欢的一天，对我来说比我生日还重要..
看看有一天如果有机会的话，有可能会过的一个很好的xmas..
好啦，不说多了.. =]
merry christmas everyone..
-J-
Yeah, I’ve no idea either.
I can’t even explain to myself what is going on. Lately I haven’t been talking a lot. I’ve lost energy to talk, to joke or to play. I guess i need a break and a proper living routine. But then i’d have to get my own place to stay. A space for myself. But that’s gonna cost.
Since i’m having problems financially i think i should try and go on.
I don’t feel anything nowadays. Just.. nothing..
I smile eventually, but i still feel empty.
Is it cockiness that’s going through my veins? Not caring about anything else and thinking it’s just a waste of time?
Is it my old ‘J-period’?.. No I know it’s not.. cause it doesn’t feel like it.. this is different..
Is it cause i’m bored and sick of everything ? No definitely not
Is it because of lovesick ?.. homesick?..
Improper lifestyle? Lack of sports ?.. not practising ki?..
I don’t need to explain it to myself.. And i can’t explain it to my friends
But one thing i know for sure…
I’ll wake up one day and start afresh..
That might be christmas, or my next term..
I feel sorry for being such a jerk in front of my friends. It’s not that i wanna be unfriendly. I know I look sick or bored most of the time this term..
Sometimes it’s just me daydreaming or thinking about something.. It’s nothing serious..
But frankly speaking, I don’t know what is wrong with me nowadays..
To my friends, Give me some time, I’ll make it up..
What happened to the J who was inspired by anything and wanted make his life filled with excitement every moment?.. That positived thinking silly J..
Or maybe there is no reason for him to go missing?.. just him being an asshole..
I can’t really describe these feelings through words nor text properly..
somehow most of the time .. I feel like i need ‘her’..
I guess the "one hug" i hoped for, turned out to be addictive..
Peace out
-J-
